This is where I am

As I read Dawn's post this morning, it came to me, that is where I am.  No, I am not nearly as busy as she is, so I can't use that as an excuse, but I am definitely at the 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming' phase.

I believed that once all of the traveling was complete, I would feel like a person again.  But then, this past weekend was the worst of my life.  Really.  So far.  As I sat on the bathroom floor bawling, trying to figure out how to fix something that was so completely and awfully broken, my mind did flash to the alternative - no feeling at all.  I know this is completely wrong, selfish, everything, but the truth is, I went there.  I haven't visited that place for quite some time.  It was homey feeling, just some place I couldn't believe I found myself.

I am still recovering from that.  Recovering from the trauma and also from visiting a place I thought I had left behind.  I guess with all of that going on and with my father-in-law going in for heart surgery it was no surprise that I found myself in bed yesterday with a horrible migraine.  One that came, left, came back and finally left for a while. 

I don't know.  What do you do to revive yourself?  What do you do to remind yourself of your purpose?  How do you apologize to God and then allow yourself to be forgiven?  I am still floundering, I don't have the answers.