Sometimes, I am just not sure about this thing called life

The past month has been a difficult one.  Seven weeks ago I decided to lower my medication level and was so excited to do it. 

The first two weeks were fine.  I thought, wow!  this is way easier than I thought it would be. 

During the next two weeks, R would ask me if I was okay.

The last two weeks, well, I fell apart.  There was a lot going on at work.  I was traveling.  Ended up that I wasn't sleeping and then not exercising.  The last weekend I spent off and on in bed crying.  I felt (feel) like such a failure.

This is from a friend. I don''t know how she knew I really needed it.

Christ be in my mind and in my thinking,


Christ be in my eyes, in everything I see,

Christ be in my ears and in my hearing,

Christ be in my mouth, in every word I speak,

Christ be in my heart and in my loving,... See More

Christ be in my life, each moment that I live.

Let nothing trouble you,


let nothing make you afraid.

All things pass away.

God never changes.

Patience obtains everything.... See More

God alone is enough.

Some Days I am Just SO Over it All

Preparing for this trip to Las Vegas for work has really put me near to the end of my rope.  I just don't understand why it has to be so hard.  But, I guess it is because I am working through a third person.  Someone who feels that their only power in the world is to handle conferences.  Then why aren't they doing this one?  Oh, because you didn't want to!  THEN LET ME HANDLE IT ALREADY!

And why, oh why did I schedule an Initial's party for Friday.  This Friday, when I have been stressed out all week?  When I know I am getting ready for a trip?  When I know that I have to do a meet and greet for 2 1/2 hours in the afternoon on Friday?  Why do I do this to myself?

I really don't enjoy arguing. Or complaining for that matter.  I am just at the end of my rope.

Where am I?

Okay, so I am really starting over this time.  I have deleted the lj and deleted the posts I did here before.  Now, as I sit at my desk avoiding the pile of tasks sitting beside me, I am excited for something new.  A new page.  Like the first day of school.  I was always so excited to start school.  New clothes, new shoes and my absolute favorite, new school supplies. 

I loved organizing everything, sharpening new No 2s and labeling.  But, opening that notebook and writing something for the first time.  It had to be perfect, no erasures, no mistakes.  That is how I feel now.  It is hard to just jump in.  How much do I share?  Does it matter?  Thank God for 'delete' buttons.

So, for now, I am going to press the 'publish post' button and get to work.  There are so many thoughts and 'things' in my brain - which to tackle first.